30/10/2009

Chavs that go bump in the night


Whilst happily dreaming of bats and bosoms (of course) I was woken by an out of place sound, as is common when you are lying down it's difficult to tell where sounds are coming from. Initially it sounded as if something was scuffling across my ceiling, but to my semi relief there was nothing to be seen.

I sat up to find a bearing on where the noises were coming from which led me to my bedroom window. I have quite large windows with a low sill giving me a sweeping view of the scene, I live in a slightly taller building on an Dickensian High street, my view is of a scattering of rooftops all butted up against each other and connecting to where I live, just below where I now stood. The night was fully formed and a heavy mist hung in the air, making the the broken formation shadows, darker still.

The noises where now clearer. Thumps, scratches, clatters, but I couldn't see a thing. The shadows just below me were the deepest and my imagination was not being kind. In one instance I heard something behind me, but I knew it wasn't real and I reclaimed my disposition to continued my ocular search, as one thing was clear, it was getting closer.

Then in true filmic styling, just meters from where I stood, a shadow pulled itself into view, swung its legs over the peak of a rooftop and sat there, perched like gargoyle. I stared at the shape for what seemed like an uncomfortably long time, before deciding on confrontation. I pushed open the window and called out in true bloke talk, using the manliest voice I could muster. The conversation went something like this:

- Oi mate! What the bloody'ell are you doing?!
- I'm just trying to find my way in
- What?
- I'm just trying to get inside... can I come through there? (gesturing to where I was)
- No mate (I couldn't help but chuckle at his audacity) What are you doing on the bloody roofs? (once you start talking blokeish you really can't stop)
- My mates are inside and I can't get in, I'm just looking for a way in thats all
(?)
- You know what, I'm pretty sure all the properties around here have doors
- What?
- Doors?
- What?
(sigh)
- I tell you what, you've got 20min to get off the roof or I'm gonna call the cops
- Please don't dob me in
- you best get moving then
(which he did)

By this time my 2am repartee woke the beautiful Ani (once asleep she doesn't rise easily, I'm still suprised a man shouting at a shadow stirred her at all) As she took in the scene I quickly filled her in on the course of events, to which she replied:

- You do realise you're naked?
- What?

As my mind slowly started to deal with this new bit of information in the distance we heard something that sounded a little like - Thudump! We looked at each other, ears straining for anything that resembled a cry or possibly a gurgle... nothing.

- Maybe he's...
- Na, I'm sure he's fine

14 comments:

Ted said...

hahahahahahaha!!! fantastic!!!

In true 'Get Carter' style.

http://cowboy-lucas.deviantart.com/art/Get-Carter-131139057

Occasionally called Robbie said...

lol
Indeed!
Cheers for reading buddy :)

mik0ton said...

Maybe they where getting ready early for the sweeps festival

Comedy Queen said...

Absolutely brilliant!

Why did you give him 20 mins to get down though? I'd have given him 5 seconds..

Mark A said...

That was genius Robbie! =D

CatLadyLarew said...

Maybe he was just trying out some mad Spiderman skills for Halloween.

I would have helped him get down a little faster... by throwing shoes at him... that always works. (I have big feet so they pack a punch!)

Roy Smith said...

brilliant....nice to know those chimney sweep instincts are still in the local gene pool...

idifficult said...

Oh my god, I'd have died on being told I was naked...

Occasionally called Robbie said...

Thank you all for reading :)

IndigoWrath said...

Keep a crossbow by the bed. Always works for me. Clearly it was an Evil Outsider pretending to be a bloke.

Eolist Petite said...

it couldn't have happened to a nicer - nor more appealing - man.

this will make me giggle for a week, though surely Ani will be giggle far longer. ;)

thank you! =)

Anonymous said...

annie graves was awake for the whole event.
but is often manipulated into a character through the use of some strange boys mind.
good writings mr. munn.

i don't see why i had to be 'asleep' throughout it all though....

maybe i shall write a blog about my version,
lol... x

Occasionally called Robbie said...

Alright Ani, calm down :P

Anonymous said...

that's ok.

i love you <3